In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
