I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
