Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
