Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We just shotgunned beers for America
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
