I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
