So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
