she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
