you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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