dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
