What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
