Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
