I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
