The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
