I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
