I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
