pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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