i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
