so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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