I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
