Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
