I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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