I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
