Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
