He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
