I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
