can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
