I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
