I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
