Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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