he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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