Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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