ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
