Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
false alarm, still single
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
