Girls should come with a carfax report
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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