There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
