I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
