Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
