he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
