just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
