I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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