he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
