well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
