I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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