so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
