im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
