Sry I called you an 8
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
