She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
