You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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