he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
