I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
